Can you stay friends with your ex’s family? Yes. Here’s how

In a marriage or long-term relationship, your partner’s family typically is part of the package. So what happens to those relationships if you find yourself breaking up? It’s a very real

issue for Americans 50-plus, with more than a third (and climbing) going through “gray divorce.” Regardless of whether the split is amicable or ugly, preserving connections with your

ex-partner’s family can be complicated. But it can be done.“This is something a lot of people try, and a lot of people make work successfully,” says Eric FitzMedrud, a licensed psychologist

in Los Altos, California, with a doctorate from Sofia University. Barbara Mahaffey, 51, a digital marketing manager from Lancaster, Pennsylvania, is one of them. The only child of an only

child, it was important for her to become an integral part of her partner’s family when she married. She got her wish. She would arrive early to help set up birthday parties for her niece

and nephew and spend time with them on her own. When she and her husband divorced after a decade together, she made it a priority to keep the members of his family that were extra dear to

her close, even when it was uncomfortable.   Mahaffey’s husband avoids her when they are at the same events, she says, and it isn’t very comfortable to be around him. But, she’s there for

the people who want her to be there, she adds. “Family isn’t just blood,” she adds. “It’s the relationships that we build.” “Relationships with these people wasn’t about the marriage that is

ending,” says Joe Noble, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Edina, Minnesota. “It got you together, but it wasn’t about the marriage.” So if you are splitting up but want to

maintain those close bonds, here’s how to have a good relationship with your ex’s family. SET EXPECTATIONS AND BE OPEN ABOUT FEELINGS  To set yourself up for success in navigating what can

be tricky terrain, FitzMedrud recommends setting clear expectations. What’s going to remain the same? What’s going to be different?   Making these decisions in the spirit of collaboration is

ideal.  “If it’s a reasonable relationship with your ex, try to be respectful of their feelings and what they’re going through and they are much more likely to then support you being in

touch with their family,” says Nancy Wilson, a psychotherapist in Bellaire, Texas. Once you have a green light from your ex, find out whether the family members you want to keep a connection

with would prefer a conversation on the phone or in person. Wilson prefers face-to-face chats to pick up on nonverbal cues, which is more difficult to do on the phone and nearly impossible

via text.