Transformations: talking story and life with the stars of two new mikki gillette plays • oregon artswatch

Being an artist is a difficult endeavor at the best of times. Generally, people outside of any given creative discipline don’t understand the effort, sacrifice, dedication, and sheer will it

takes to make art for a living. That is all aside from the question of talent, or, even more importantly, having something to say. As complex and difficult as the artist’s life can be –

however rewarding – it should be no surprise, then, that for marginalized communities that journey can be even tougher. When the greater societal paradigm isn’t particularly interested in

your stories – or wishes you didn’t exist – the act of making art becomes a revolutionary exercise, one not undertaken without a substantial amount of risk. And not in a poetic sense. The

stakes run no less than actual life and physical death. Juliet Mylan and Ethan Feider are two trans artists willing to take that risk. It is the engine that drives them both in how they live

their lives and why they make their art. In a world that is constantly telling them no, they have to take the responsibility of saying their own yesses, and that has to be enough. Mylan is

performing in _Tears and Glitter_ and Feider in _Mimetic Desire_, both written by the insanely prolific Mikki Gillette, both directed by Asae Dean (who seems completely unaware that other

directors have plenty on their plate just directing _one_ show at a time), and both produced by Dean’s company, Salt and Sage Productions (a company I’ve worked with a bunch in the past few

years), and running in repertory. _Tears and Glitter_ runs May 29-June 21, and _Mimetic Desire_, May 30-June 21, at the Backdoor Theatre. Mylan describes _Tears and Glitter_ as a story about

“a group of queer activists in a conservative 2023 dealing with far-right violence and counter-protests while trying to live their lives and combat bans to gender-affirming care and that

kind of stuff. Definitely a very present and real-world sort of a thing.” In _Tears and Glitter _Mylan plays Dita, who she describes as a “trans-inclusion trainer for corporate offices, and

an activist who organizes Pride marches and the like.” In her personal life, however, Dita’s not quite so conscientious. “She’s promiscuous and a bit manipulative,” says Mylan. “She has this

chaotic, playful, malicious energy to her while also being the adult in the room.” Dita is also decidedly not “stealth.” Sponsor “Stealth in the trans community,” explains Mylan, “is

someone who tries to live a life where they are not assumed to be trans. Dita says, ‘It’s the opposite of walking into a room full of people and announcing you’re a transsexual for a living,

like I do.’ For Mylan, this was her entry point into the character. “I relate to that a lot,” she says, “as a comedian, an actor who has existed very heavily in the identifying as trans,

publicly, onstage, in performance. In a lot of ways, we are very similar – I am out and proudly trans as opposed to trying to keep it a secret. So, there was an immediate overlap there, and

then we deviate quite a bit from there in how we treat other people in our personal lives.” Meanwhile, Feider describes _Mimetic Desire _as having “some drama elements in it, but it’s mainly

a comedy about some college students. They’re all in the LGBTQ+ community. It’s about their relationships and how they navigate intimacy and the drama that spurs from being so closely knit

with each other and even though they have these things in common, they still have quite a bit of conflict with one other, the very human element of that.” In _Mimetic_ _Desire_ Feider plays

Maddy, and although it isn’t said directly in the show, Feider imagines that “she is a fashion major and she has a lot of expectations. She’s dating someone named Danny and they have some

friction which she doesn’t resolve in the most mature ways, and that spurs a lot of the conflict in the show.” Like Mylan, Feider takes some pains to distance herself from certain aspects of

her onstage persona. “Comparing and contrasting how she navigates her romantic life with how I navigate my romantic life. I would say she definitely navigates it differently (laughs).” But

Feider had no trouble recognizing Maddy in herself: “I definitely was a crazy college kid at one point. And I definitely understand what it is to fall in and out of love and to navigate

those types of relationships, to be a queer person and to not know what boxes I have to fit in. Do I even have to fit in these boxes? _Should_ I be wanting to fit in these boxes? And trying

to enter relationships with that in mind rather than the actual connections I have with people. But, you know, they’re growing up. They’re definitely kids in many ways. There are a lot of

crazy emotions in there that were fun to find.” Each artist has had a long journey to reach this point. Mylan: “I started a long time ago in acting. I was an actor in elementary school. I

did it all the way up until high school. Once I hit puberty, I stopped enjoying it as much because I stopped wanting to be perceived so much. But I was still always really, really passionate

about making art, especially collaborative art forms like theatre and film. So, I went to film school up in British Columbia; Vancouver Film School. I figured I would go down to L.A. and be

a writer and follow that path. Sponsor “I tried L.A. It didn’t work out. So, then I came back to Portland and started my own production company with some friends. Started making my own

movies, with me and my friends. I did a lot of writing, directing and producing and almost no in-front-of-the-camera work, because even though I had started as an actor and did that for many

years, it was still something I was uncomfortable with. “When I came out and started to transition – within the first year of my transition is when I first started doing comedy. It was this

light-bulb moment where I was like, ‘Oh, I like being perceived again. I like people looking at me and applauding and laughing.’ There was this power and this comfort and this radical

self-acceptance tied up into my transition that gave me permission to take center stage again.” Feider, on the other hand, used to be a Marine. “It was classic. They got me out of high

school and I wasn’t out at all, I was deeply in the closet, and I thought, ‘If I do this, it will prove that I’m a big man and I’m strong and all these thoughts I have are not true.’ I

joined and I got kicked out, at first, because I smoked weed while I was in it. Then I went to college and I dropped out of college, and I joined the Marines again, cuz I was like, ‘Oh, I

dropped out of college, I can’t do the thing I love, I’m going to do something I hate, to – I don’t know – build discipline or something (laughs). “So, I did that and I was in and it was

absolutely awful. I realized that these people don’t want an individual like me and they’re going to break me down and try to change me to their form. I eventually got out and right when I

got out, I came out. It all came to the truth, and I have not looked back since.” Like Mylan, Feider has been passionate about acting her entire life, starting out in elementary school,

middle school and high school (not so much in the Marines). In Portland, she made her way through Witch Hunt Theatre, Chapel Theatre, Imago, and 21ten, to name a few, before eventually

landing with FUSE and Salt and Sage.  Mylan, after rebirthing herself as a stand-up comedian, auditioned for _No More Candy_ (a previous iteration before the one last year that starred —

Ethan Feider), got cast, and Gillette suggested her for another one of her plays, _The Queers_.    Both Mylan and Gillette found a kindred spirit in Asae Dean. “I trust Asae implicitly,”

says Mylan. “She understands that, as a director, she has the final say on what everyone is working on and if there is any ambiguity, she’ll decide and clear it up, but she very rarely uses

it. She likes to be a collaborator in the room. She asks questions and works within the framework of what she’s provided instead of deciding for people how something should go. Sponsor “I

think that’s such a valuable way to maintain your presence within a room with a bunch of artists. Having my background be in film, that’s practically unheard of in that environment, right.

Asae just trusts people to make the right decisions and she ends up being right really often, so — it’s hard not to trust someone like that when you work with them.” Feider concurs. “I

really trust Asae’s vision,” she says. “The people that she’s chosen to work with have decided that she’s fully an ally. She is very trusting of the artist. She gives so much power to them.

She allows all of us to really make the piece our own, and she guides it with such a gentle but knowledgeable hand that it really is – it’s hard to describe the trust that she builds.” Both

artists are also growing a healthy history working on Gillette’s plays. This is Mylan’s fifth foray into the world of Gillette, and Feider’s third. Which makes sense. If you’re a trans

artist hungry to play fully realized trans characters, Gillette is pretty much the way to go. _Tears and Glitter _and _Mimetic Desire_ are two prime examples.  Gillette “really brings

authentic truth to what it is to be in the community today,” says Feider. “A lot of material out there for the Queer community focuses on trope and stereotypes. We don’t see a lot of

authentic representation of what it’s like to be queer today. Her dialogue is so real and so honest; there’s so much time when the characters interrupt each other and talk over each other.

That’s a very cool thing to me. And it’s intelligent conversation. It’s not just sensation for a general audience. There are very specific elements of life as an LGBTQ+ person. There is so

much deeply personal information in there. It’s not always pretty. We’re seeing the truly ugly elements of life. It’s a very personal experience, not only for the audience, but for the

people involved.” “It’s the double-edged sword of Mikki’s characters,” concurs Mylan. “You get to play some fascinating people, but they all kind of suck.” Mylan and Feider are only two of a

growing number of trans actors in the Portland Metro area. “For the trans acting community in Portland,” said Mylan, “which I’m very proud to say that, for one, there _is_ one (laughs), and

two, I am a part of it, we’re very fortunate to have someone like Mikki writing for us in the way that she does.”  For young trans artists seeking to walk the artist’s path, Mylan had this

to say: “One, if you are an aspiring artist and you’re trans, don’t wait for people to give you permission, because they won’t. If there’s something that you want to do, go out and do it.

And make people _tell_ you no. Don’t just assume that they will; make them tell you. Because maybe you’ll be surprised. Maybe they see something and they say yes. That’s good advice for a

lot of people but especially for trans people, especially right now. I think a lot of our default is we don’t want to make trouble, because there’s a lot of it. But don’t assume it’s going

to be there before it happens.” Sponsor “I’ve met a few people who have kind of made it ‘out there,’” offers Feider, “and I always get frustrated because their advice is always, ‘Just keep

doing it. Don’t give up. If you love it, you gotta keep going.’ I always get frustrated cuz I’m like, ‘Well, duh.’ For me, the thing I would add on to that is, when you doubt yourself, take

it as a test. Realize that that doubt is the thing that you are going to be proud you overcame when you make it. And you will make it when you keep going. You will find your home. You will

find your family. You will find the place that you thrive in. It’s not always the grand picture that we make it out to be. It’s not always glamour. But when you find happiness, you’ve won.”

“Also,” she adds, laughing, “if I’m talking to young me, I’d say, ‘You’re trans and you should start doing something about that now.’” ***