Attachments cause grief

Wwe should avoid too much attachment or identification with close relations (son, wife and others) and possessions such as house and positions. Spirituality is a science of life management.

The 20 core spiritual values prescribed in chapter 13 of Bhagwad Gita, which we are discussing in this column, indeed prove this. The next two values discussed are 'asakti' and

'anabhisvangah putra dara gruhadishu'. What this means is that we should avoid too much attachment or identification with close relations (son, wife and others) and possessions

such as house and positions. We all have strong attachments for many desirable objects and persons. This is different from love. Love is considered blind when it is mixed with attachment.

When you have attachment, you lose all discrimination when it comes to dealing with the object or person of your attachment. This brings suffering. Secondly, the more you are attached, the

more you expect out of that relationship. When these expectations are not met, it causes misery. There is another way in which attachment causes grief. Whenever we see our subjects of

attachment suffer, we also suffer. Like if a child falls sick, mother also falls sick, because of too much attachment and worry. If there was only love the mother would not fall sick but

would remain healthy and do her best to minimise suffering of the child. The examples of how too much of attachment with family members leads to destruction are many. Take example of

Dhrutarashtra in Mahabharata. He was so much blind in his attachment to his sons, Duryodhana and others, that he did not take an objective stand while dealing with Pandavas, and the result

was the Mahabharata war. Most leaders fall in public eye while engaging in nepotism and amassing wealth for the family. They forget the famous example of Valio, the robber, asking his family

members if they will share fruits of his sin. When all of them refused, he realised why he should incur sin for the sake of family and was converted into 'Saint Valmiki' who later

wrote the most famous Valmiki Ramayana. How should we then deal with our relationships with family and others? Scriptures say one should have working relationships in life. We should avoid

extremes of either saying 'I cannot live without you' or 'Go, get lost'. Our approach should be 'I care for you.' We should behave like a managing trustee for

our family, not having a feeling of ownership or possessiveness. Family members also need space in life. Attachment leads to clinging to their neck, which they do not appreciate. Instead of

controlling attitude, our attempt should be to be ready to do something for their welfare while giving them enough elbow room in life. We think our relationship with family is permanent.

'Janam janam ka saath' is only a myth. We have had many different people in our life in the past birth. We do not even remember them. Once Arjun had grief of losing his son

Abhimanyu and expressed a strong desire to meet him in heaven to Lord Krishna. Krishna managed it for him. When he was taken to his son, Abhimanyu did not recognize him. "You were my

father in which birth?" he asked. Arjun understood the reality of life instantly. Coming together in form of a family is like a few passengers traveling together in a train. They all

laugh together, share food, look after each other during the train journey but when the station comes, no one says that I want to miss my station because I like the company of co-passengers.

There is love with co-passengers but no attachment. This should be our approach in life towards family members. _The author is an IAS officer of Gujarat cadre _