‘vous? Tu? French people are more worried about mistakes than i am’

THE FRENCH WORD FOR ‘YOU’ COMES WITH A SOCIAL DANCE THAT COLUMNIST NICK INMAN REFUSES TO JOIN I never cease to be surprised at the number of conversations I overhear between French people

about the difference between _vous_ and _tu_ – the formal and informal ways of saying ‘you’. We do not have this problem in English because we lost ‘thee’ and ‘thou’ around the time America

replaced Britain as the major speaker of the language. English likes to simplify things. Why have two words for ‘you’ when one will do? _Vous_ sends a message that the other person is not

one of your mates and that some respect and deference is required, but to me it always feels cold and unfriendly. Still, to master French, it is important to know how _vous/tu_ works. READ

MORE: WHY FRENCH JOURNALISTS USE FOUR WORDS WHEN ONE WOULD DO FRENCH PEOPLE OFTEN ASK WHICH ‘YOU’ TO USE In theory, everyone in the universe is a _vous_ to me unless I unilaterally decide

otherwise or agree to a change of status with the other person. When French people feel a need to change things between them, they get into a short conversation which starts: _On peut se

tutoyer?_ (‘Can we call each other tu?’). Or: _On se tutoie ou on se vouvoie?_ It is a reasonable request but it is very occasionally risky as it puts the other person in a potentially

difficult situation. If he or she wants to preserve distance or rank – if they are your boss or the Minister of Finance, for example, they might not wish to switch from _vous_ to _tu_.

Saying as much, however, will sound haughty. It is rare to hear anyone say_ non, je préfère qu’on me vouvoie_ (‘I prefer to be called _vous_’) or _je suis plus à l’aise avec le vouvoiement_,

but it does happen. Most times, however, the other person will almost audibly breathe a sigh of relief and say ‘of course’. Secretly, that is what they wanted too, but they felt awkward

being the first to say anything. A WORLD OF VOUS-PEOPLE AND _TU_-PEOPLE Now, this negotiation of different ‘younesses’ creates a problem – as you will have worked out. Each French person

lives in their own world divided up into _vous_-people and _tu_-people and is expected to remember the difference. Sometimes, they have to stop and reflect: ‘Did I agree with this particular

person to use _tu _or are we still _vous_?’ And then they think through the consequences: ‘If we didn’t agree it and I do it, they will be offended. However, if we did agree it and I talk

to them as _vous_, they will think they have done something wrong.’ As a foreigner, I grant myself exemption and almost everyone I meet gives me the same. I am outside the standard pecking

order and talking to me is a little like talking to a child who has not quite figured out how big society works. I talk to everyone as _tu_ unless I am applying for a driving licence or

complaining in a shop. No one yet has socially snubbed me because I called them_ tu_ on our first meeting when it was clearly the wrong thing to do. READ MORE: COMMON MISTAKES FRENCH

LEARNERS MAKE AND HOW TO FIX THEM _VOUS_ JUST WILL NOT GO AWAY And so we come back to that conversation between two French people who have welcomed each other into their ‘_tutoyering_’

orbits. This is the occasion for a discussion about the rules that do not exist and everyone is welcome to join in. Someone, for instance, might declare their socialist solidarity. The

Revolution briefly banned the use of _vous_. All trade union comrades are _tu_. In 1968, everyone on the streets called each other _tu _by default, hoping to bring the old stuffy world to an

end. _Vous_, however, has never gone away. Someone else in the conversation might tell the group they have always called their parents _vous_, which sounds positively Victorian to me. Then

everyone in the room will be drawn into a debate about whether or not primary school children should call their teachers_ tu_, which seems to lack respect. At what age should a fledgling

French person learn the_ tu/vous_ distinction? There seems to be general agreement that from college onwards, teachers and students should call each other _vous_ and thereafter every adult

interaction must be on the basis of _vous_. Have you got that? RELATED ARTICLES ‘I WILL NEVER RELY ON AN APP TO TRANSLATE MY THOUGHTS INTO FRENCH’ ‘DO NOT CORRECT ME EVERYTIME I MURDER THE

FRENCH LANGUAGE’ TALKING POINT: IS IT REALLY OFFENSIVE TO SAY ‘THE FRENCH’?