Is a sexual 'hall pass' good for a relationship? - infidelity, marriag...

That said, I feel honor bound to report that I’ve seen a hall pass or two invoked without catastrophe. One couple in a very long marriage confided to me that they had always followed a “5

percent privacy” rule — a “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy that freed each of them to devote one night in 20 to whatever they wished to do. This time off could include having sex outside the

relationship, but it remained unknowable to (and inviolable by) the other party. Their arrangement worked beautifully for more than 40 years. Then came the rocky night when it emerged that

the husband had always viewed the pact as purely theoretical, whereas his wife had been putting it into regular practice. Though shocked to learn that his wife had been redeeming her hall

pass, he was forced to simmer down when she reminded him that he had agreed to this state of affairs four decades earlier. The 5 percent clause was kept in place. The relationship stayed

strong and happy. Still, I can’t help wondering: What if that man hadn’t reacted so graciously when he learned that philosophy had morphed into reality? Theirs was, and is, a swell marriage

— but what if that hall pass had become a “Hell, no!”? If my position sounds conservative, it’s because I’m dedicated to conserving happy couples. I understand the desire for sexual variety

and adventure. But I also think it’s impossible to know how we would react if we agreed to a hall pass — and it actually happened. So, alluring as it is, I have to say “pass” on the hall

pass. Loyalty and exclusiveness build the trust and commitment that a relationship needs to endure. Non-monogamy happens, sure — but to build it into a marriage is way too risky. MICHAEL

CASTLEMAN: I recently watched _Hall Pass_, too. Like Pepper, I found it eminently forgettable. But with all due respect to monogamy, it’s not the only way. Polygamy was common in the Bible.

In ancient Britain, that well-known sex commentator Julius Caesar reported that its counterpart, polyandry (one woman, several men), was a common practice. And the Lusi of Papua, New Guinea,

believe that healthy fetal development requires pregnant women to have intercourse with many men. Finally, some cultures have standing free-for-alls: In 1985, anthropologist Thomas Gregor

counted 88 active sexual relationships among the 37 adults of a single village in the Amazon.