How to help someone with depression

Something isn’t right. Maybe your loved one is withdrawn, or has lost their sense of humor, or increasingly passes on activities that used to excite them. Or a standout colleague at work is

falling behind on projects and doesn’t participate like they used to. Perhaps a good friend isn’t sleeping well, is eating less and talking more about death and dying. If you suspect

depression is the culprit, you may be right. Up to one in five U.S. adults have at some point been diagnosed with depression by a health care provider, according to a 2020 report from the

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Major depression is diagnosed less often in older adults. The diagnosis point is key: Depression isn’t simply a prolonged period of the blues.

It’s a real medical condition — a diagnosable mood disorder, often with biological underpinnings. And like other serious health conditions, it is both distressful and interferes with

day-to-day functioning.   But unlike many other health conditions, the illness often goes undiagnosed or untreated, especially in older adults. Which is why it is so important for loved

ones, colleagues and friends to speak up when they see potential signs of it. But how do you go about intervening in a way that’s respectful and appropriate? Here is what doctors say. STEP

1: SEE THE SIGNS  The first step in being able to help is knowing the signs of depression. A radical shift in behavior can be a warning, says neurologist Nida Usmani, M.D., of Kaiser

Permanente in Tucker, Georgia.  “The common thing I look at is a lack of interest in things that they like,” Usmani says. “For example, if someone likes gardening or if someone enjoys

talking to people, then suddenly they just shut off and don’t want to do what they were doing,” she says. A sudden, radical change isn’t necessary, though. For some people, depression comes

on gradually, then sticks around. Other signs may include a persistent sadness, feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness, lack of energy, irritability, frustration, loss of appetite and

even physical aches. Some men may come across as more angry than sad. Some people have thoughts of suicide or self-harm. If you notice these signs or if a friend or loved one tells you

they’re feeling this way, there are ways you can help. STEP 2: SHARE YOUR CONCERNS If the signs are there, try having a chat. Tackling that conversation can range from a straightforward,

loving talk to one that requires strategy and finesse. Managing the conversation depends on how receptive the person with depression is to hearing and then acting on your concern and their

condition, says Clevevoya D. Gaston, a licensed professional counselor in Atlanta. You might start with something like: “Hey, I am concerned about you. I notice [some changes] and I love

you. I am here for you. I want to assist you in feeling better, so let’s talk about some ways or some resources that are available to help you,” Gaston says. If you’re met with resistance or

assurances that everything is fine, try changing tactics. Seeking help from a friend or family member who may get a better reception because of their closeness to the person with depression

could help. Still roadblocked? Try an activity your loved one used to enjoy as a way to reengage with them. “If you know they like going to a museum, take them,” Gaston says. “Then, after

the museum when they are feeling their best, you can say, ‘How did you feel about going to the museum? I wonder how you could do more of this … the things you like.’” STEP 3: FIND WAYS TO

INTERRUPT THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS People with depression tend to see the glass as always empty. And dwelling in negative thoughts can make depression worse. You’ll need to remain encouraging

rather than critical, says psychiatrist Karl Benzio, M.D., cofounder and medical director of Honey Lake Clinic, a Christian mental health treatment center in Greenville, Florida. The person

with depression is usually aware that something is wrong and that they are not functioning well.