My husband says if i love him, i should do this | members only

MAKE YOURSELF HEARD. Needle says it’s a positive sign that your husband trusts you enough to share his fantasies, and suggests that you listen with curiosity rather than judgment. Still,

that doesn’t mean you have to agree to something that makes you uncomfortable. Among her recommendations: * EXPRESS YOUR BOUNDARIES CLEARLY. Tell your husband that while you appreciate his

openness, those activities aren’t something you want to explore. “You don’t need to justify your discomfort,” she says. “Your boundaries are valid.” * ADDRESS THE EMOTIONAL PRESSURE. Love is

not measured by a willingness to compromise personal boundaries, Needle says, adding, “Let him know that love should not require doing something that feels wrong to you.” * ACTIVELY

COMMUNICATE. Instead of being reactionary about what you want or don’t want, certified sex therapist Nan Wise suggests that you consider this an opportunity to have a “deep conversation”

about your husband’s desires, your own feelings and the sex life you share. “People tend to go to this reactive place and make it about this particular sex act or request, rather than

thinking, ‘How cool, we get to penetrate each other’s psyches in a way that goes deep under the hood,’” she says. Wise says to explore these questions with each other: * FOR YOUR HUSBAND:

What is he hoping to experience through this? What is he looking to unlock in himself? What is he looking to challenge? * FOR YOU: What new activities would turn me on? What am I looking for

through my sexual self and sexual connection? What are my own sexual needs? “Exploring each other’s psyches and changing things up can enliven a sexual relationship over the long run,” says

Wise, author of _Why_ _Good_ _Sex_ _Matters_. “It doesn’t mean you have to capitulate to your partner’s preferences, but you’re bringing new eyes to each other and you’re continuing to

grow. Exploring new territory, emotionally and truthfully, can be powerful.” FIND COMMON GROUND. It could be that your husband’s request is less about the sexual activity itself than a

yearning for novelty, deeper intimacy and a more exciting sex life, according to Needle. If so, she says, you might consider other ways to meet those needs together that feel safe and

enjoyable for you both. “You don’t have to say yes to anything you don’t want, but you also don’t have to shut the door on curiosity altogether,” Needle explains. “The key is to communicate

openly, explore the ‘why’ behind each of your perspectives, and find ways to maintain intimacy and excitement in a way that feels good for both of you.” FILL OUT A “YES, NO, MAYBE” LIST. To

help you expand your sexual repertoire, certified sex therapist Chris Fariello suggests downloading a “Yes, No, Maybe” list. The document contains a list of sexual activities along with an

area to mark a response of “yes,” “no” or “maybe.” Go through the list, separately or together, and identify what you’re up for — and what you’re not.