My husband cheated. What i did about it may surprise you | members only

I never resisted the urge to talk to my husband about his affair, even when probing him for some obscure detail for the 37th time. He wanted to disclose in broad strokes to lessen the pain

for me, but I needed to know exactly what had happened. I needed the when, where and why, so I knew exactly what I was attempting to heal from. Though excruciating for him, he understood I

needed to process his betrayal in depth and repeatedly until one day, I just didn’t. I learned my husband’s decision to be unfaithful had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with him

and what was going on between his two ears. Cheating is the easy way to cope with anxieties, and the hard way, all at the same time. As we attempted to stay together, some aftershocks and

triggers caused us, at times, to backslide in our healing and recovery.  But because my husband fully owned his actions and did not make excuses or assign blame, what followed was a period

of peace and calm — allowing us to clear the rubble and build a more solid foundation for our future. ABOUT _THE ETHEL_ _The Ethel _from AARP champions older women owning their age. The

weekly newsletter honors AARP founder Dr. Ethel Percy Andrus, who believed in celebrating your best life at every age and stage. Subscribe at aarpethel.com to smash stereotypes, celebrate

life and have honest conversations about getting older. We are not defined by our mistakes, more so by what we do after. Because of how my husband conducted himself after his affair, I have

tremendous hope that he won’t betray me again. That he’ll make better, more constructive choices for dealing with discord. I’m not sure if my trust will ever be restored. For me, once trust

is broken, it’s no longer a renewable resource. But hope is a fraternal twin to trust and can assuredly take its place when needed. It can be hard to tell them apart. There are no guarantees

for any of our hopes and desires if we choose to stay. There’s a dreadful sense of uncertainty that makes us second-guess our choice. We want to know for sure that our marriage will make

it, that staying and working hard on it will be worth it. But certainty and life are at odds with each other. All we can do is our best and hope for the same. “Once a cheater, always a

cheater,” is something the ignorant say. My husband regrets his infidelity the full amount. I can see the honest pain in his eyes when he revisits the choice he made, I can feel the heavy

shame he still carries around.