Doctor, I Think My Partner Is Having Memory Problems

James Yates Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Yesterday I found my partner’s phone in the refrigerator. He is becoming more and more forgetful, but if I suggest he get screened for memory loss, he

refuses and gets defensive. Any suggestions?

My medical practice is generational, so I encounter this issue regularly, and it’s a difficult one. Memory gets to the fundamental idea of who we are as human beings. Unlike other health

problems such as hypertension or high cholesterol, memory loss may make us feel as if our very selfhood is in peril.

When people are diagnosed with memory loss, they may fear that their rights will be taken away. They worry that friends and family will think differently of them. Some may be concerned about

job security. Most are terrified of dementia. All this dread may play into hesitation around taking a cognitive function test.

There are other possible reasons behind your partner’s forgetfulness. Sometimes stress, anxiety or depression affects our thinking, as can a vitamin deficiency. Even a urinary tract

infection can cause sudden confusion and memory problems. The good news? All these issues can be treated. But if your partner is one of the nearly 10 percent of Americans age 65 or older

who has some type of dementia, the earlier he seeks medical attention, the more doctors can do to help slow the progression of the disease. This includes appropriate medications and

lifestyle modifications for memory.

Adam B. Rosenbluth, M.D., is an internist and cardiologist in New York City. Each Monday, he’ll weigh in on your questions about how to make your body work better for you. His AARP book will

be published in 2027. Join in on the conversation on social media @dradamrosenbluth to learn to move the needle on your personal health in an achievable way.

Email your questions for Dr. Adam to dradam@aarp.org

What’s your next step?

To begin, I would not say anything to your partner about the refrigerator incident if this is the first time. But I would make a note of it. In fact, I suggest you keep a diary with dates

marking these types of events. People with memory issues will often say, “Oh, that never happened before.” If you have your diary, you can reply factually and without judgment, “Well, as a

matter of fact, it has. This is the fourth time this month.”  

The AARP Brain Health Resource Center offers tips, tools and information:​

sleep and more.​Explainers on dementia, stroke and other brain illnesses, and the latest news on brain health​​.

It’s also important to avoid saying anything in a harsh or accusatory tone. Instead, speak with your partner in a kind and gentle manner. With the same calm voice, remind him that memory

issues aren’t necessarily the result of dementia. This could ease his anxiety around a possible diagnosis.

But be honest about being worried. If you’ve already spoken with other family members about his forgetfulness, let your partner know they are also concerned.